Ethnography - Group

Ethnography Essay
Amanda Gagnon
English 11
10/18/2009

Today is her first day. As her father pulls up to the big brick building to let her out she looks at the people waiting outside in worry. She stares at the group of people who appear to be nothing like her physically. A group of strangers who she is about to spend five and a half hours and five days a week with. As she goes to leave the truck she looks at her father with an unsure feeling inside. She looks scared and the butterflies in her stomach are making her sick, she is so queasy and does not want to throw-up in front of her new group. “Ok have a good day; I will see you when you get out” “Ugh ok. Bye” she said.
Walking across the street then to the sidewalk; the anticipation is building as she gets closer to the door. Walking through the crowd and opening up the door she walks a few steps and is greeted by her case manager. “Hello Sarah, my name is Jessica come with me.” Jessica brought Sarah into her office and talked to her explaining the routine of the facility. Sarah followed Jessica down a hallway, through the foyer. To the left an office with an employee working at her desk, another door on the right but this door was shut. They were finally at the end of the hallway with a room with the door shut on the right and a door that was also shut directly across from the left. “This is it” Jessica said to Sarah; Sarah looked at Jessica and said to herself “Oh boy, this is it”
After all the butterflies and the sick feeling Sarah was having, Jessica finally opened the door to a group of people. They were sitting around the room and a “group leader” standing in front of her desk at the front of the room. “Good Morning, this is Sarah.” “Hi Sarah, I’m Maddie I am the group leader for this room” “go ahead and take a seat anywhere.” Sarah doesn’t really have a choice of chairs so she sits in the chair closest to the desk. Once sitting in the chair, “good morning Sarah; every morning we go around the room and everyone tells us how their night was, and how they are feeling today; and of course your goal for today.” “Since today is your first day you can just observe, but feel free to join in at any point today.”
Sarah watches as they continue with their goals. I catch her staring at the white and grayish tile floor, and the one white wall that has different types of poster boards that have been created by different patients and their stories. The rest of the walls are red bricks. As she looks out the few windows in the room with the blinds it seems she is trying to accept the fact that she is in treatment. I could then tell she was putting her interest into hearing some of the goals the patients had set for the day.
They happened to be on the fourth person which was an older man, John. He begins “ugh last night I really didn’t do much, I went home and watched TV. I was feeling really tired and upset; I just don’t know why.” “Have you been going through anything at home or with your sister?” Maddie asked. “No I don’t think so it’s been the same as usual with her” said John. “How are you feeling today so far?” John replied “I’m still upset I just feel really down today. But I should be ok.” “My goal for today is just to stay awake and get something out of the groups that could help me out tonight.” John had finished his statements for the morning; but before they had moved along to the next person Maddie had finished with him by saying “Thank you John but if you need anything or want to talk to someone just let me know.” “Ok” said John as he looked to the next person.
The group continued to move on person to person; talking about the problems or temptations to relapses that they challenged the night before. I could see in Sarah’s face that she was in deep concentration on something else in her mind, though she was aware of her where abouts. It seemed that I had really taken to Sarah. Maybe it was because it was her first day in the group versus my first day observing from another perspective. It could have been because she was unaware of the people and new environment that she would have to become accustom to for awhile. The staff had said they were never quite sure of how long each patient would need at the facility in there first meeting. Some would need a little longer then expected and others would improve at such a quick pace they would be released on time or possibly a little early. But like I said no one knew for sure.
I had the opportunity to pull Sarah aside on one of the breaks they had. I wanted to ask her what feelings she had towards the program so far; if she wanted to tell me. “Hi Sarah, thanks for talking to me. You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but I was watching the group and I had noticed that you looked like you were thinking about something else. Was it your choice to come here?” Sarah responded “Not really, I just got out of the hospital in Attleboro, Arbor Fuller Hospital. They had agreed to release me a few days early only if I would attend to this day treatment five days a week. I only said I would because I couldn’t stand to be there another day.
The windows were all locked; no one could get out of any big metal doors.The staff had to run their employee badge through a machine on the side of the door to get in and out. They could never be opened, the only thing you slept on was a block attached to the wall like in a holding cell, but this one was wood. We were given a mat that was like two inches thick and a white sheet and one thin blanket like in a regular hospital. The only thing we could do was groups all day. Our hospital was allowed two, fifteen minute cigarette breaks a day, and this was our only outside time even though it was a restricted area only for patients.’’ All I was doing while she was just pouring out his information was staring at her in awe; I could never imagine living in a facility like that. It had to be so hard not to make yourself crazy.
Sarah did end up saying one thing to me, “I guess I was thinking in there, like everyone has the similar issues and we all have to deal with reality. Life is just thrown at us whether we catch it or not and if not its just that much harder to deal with and fix later on. I may not look to happy today but inside there is hope that living with illness is possible and not always a fight.”
After speaking with Sarah I was looking at the many facilities that do the same for these patients; give them hope. Sitting there may have taken most of my day but I had heard many stories and thoughts that people with mental illness have. This wonderful group had amazed me as each group discussion had gone on, more of them shared and opened up to the rest. Not judging each other and trying to comfort others. Older women who had cried always had someone getting out of their seats to give them tissues, and a hug. Sometimes certain groups of people have stereotypes to them; it happens with everything, but it’s a shame that all the people who feel negatively towards this certain “type” as some may call it, really miss out on realizing and seeing that they are people just like everyone else. Unfortunately they may have a few more obstacles to overcome, but they also work that much harder to become and to be looked at in “normal” society.

Personal essay idea

My idea for my essay was brought up while I was sitting is class thinking of why I could not find a topic that was comfortable for me to talk about in front of people. Brainstorming about a topic that was personal to me and I could have first hand experience with was difficult. Thankfully the topic wasn't that far from home; family. Family has a different definition for everybody so I will give you mine how and why I have concluded my definition of family.